Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
