she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
