just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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