oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
