Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My ATM looks so different sober.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
