i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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