I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
