i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
