took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
