I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
