Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
