so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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