i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
