just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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