i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
