WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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