You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
