so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize