i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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