Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize