He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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