Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
