It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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