he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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