I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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