just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
