Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I yelled at your uterus for you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
