Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
