i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
it's like iHOP with fire
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
