I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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