I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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