We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
