he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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