I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize