where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
