You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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