Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
