Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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