I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
