I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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