If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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