hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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