Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
