Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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