WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
