Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
