Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
