Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Randomize
