i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
