Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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