I just pynch a tree in the face
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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