At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Randomize
