He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
