So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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