Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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