Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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