They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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