saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
