So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
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I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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