I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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