wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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