Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
