My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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