Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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