at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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