And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
