And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
